Sunday, December 14, 2003

 

I'd Give Anything To Be a Fly About Now...

You're a fly. Okay, a cricket, if you must. I know; they're cuter.

FADE IN.

INT. U.S. ARMED FORCES INTERROGATION FACILITY - SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD - DAY

Four human feet , one pair belongs to SADDAM HUSSEIN (dressed in a remarkable Nick Nolte costume)--the other's--MEAN SOB, square jawed, barrel chested, quick as a gnat, the meanest SOB in armed forces intelligence.

SADDAM

My people need me.
(beat)
Say, do you happen to have any more of that...

MEAN SOB

Surrre, Saaadamn. Got lots.

SOB turns to the window, points at his client.

MEAN SOB

Nurse.

Saddam, defiant, throws a look at the entering nurse, who carries a hypodermic.

SADDAM

Yes, yes. I must let my people know that i would go to the ends of the earth for them...that's it. I was digging to the other side of the earth. All praise be to Allah.

Saddam rolls up his sleeve. Nurse shakes her head, beckons him to stand and remove his trousers.

Saddam winces, but now becomes calm, knowing the truth sets a person free.

Saddam rises, fixes his pants, sits and noticably reels from the drug. Mean SOB leans out the door, leans for a stool, puts it under Saddam feet.

Dreamily, Saddam lies further back, arms open as if to dance.

MEAN SOB

Now, as you were saying. The WMDs are in Syria? No?

SADDAM

WMDs, how I adored having them at the ready. I mean, yes, ready to use.

MEAN SOB

They're not 45 minutes away, now, are they, Saaaadamn?

SOB picks up a pencil, places it between Saddam's eyes.

SADDAM

You know, I really love things that are nice, soft. You know...the feeling of silk against my skin.

MEAN SOB

OUTSIDE THE ROOM - SAME TIME

DIXIE, a delicious blonde with rosebud lips and hips to match feels under her hair. She pulls the mike closer to her mouth.

DIXIE

Mean, Mean! Can I come in?

Mean SOB knows Dixie's legendary intuition was about to give the USA another big payoff.

MEAN SOB

Sure, Sweetheart. Saddamn, here's plumb tickled at the thought of silk against his skin.

SADDAM

Oh, yes. Yes. Your name is Dixie? Take me away from all this, my sweet Dixie-lonia...

SAME

Dixie stands immediately behind Saddam, pulls her scarf out to tickle Saddams throat, his hands, his forehead...

DIXIE

Oh, my big strong soldier, Saddam.

Suddenly Saddam grabs the scarf, pulls it from Dixie. Dixie laughs aloud to further humiliate Saddam.

MEAN SOB

Where?

Saddam draws a map.

MEAN SOB

Give me a break.

SOB raises his huge arm and ready fist, strikes the table so loudly and hard Saddam's elbows jump up.

MEAN SOB

Saddam, buddy, I think you're gonna be walkin toward that big palace in the sky. Yup. You'll talk.

Saddam buries his pathetic head, moves his eyes quickly. Looks like a cornered rat.

FADE OUT.

Thanks for the read.

Monday, December 08, 2003

 

Up Is Down; Black Is White

Rent one of my favorite movies, Brazil. If you're up for an ironic, satiric view of our society from a George Orwell pov, you'll love it. Watch it a couple of times though.

BCS, FICO, They're All Nuts

Once again the great unknown "they" stood common sense on its head. The Bowl Championship Series (BCS), formed by a bunch of TV executives, college/university presidents and the Rose, Fiesta, Sugar, Orange Bowls honchos decided to listen to one little man--some obscure doctor who said he'd used his computer to figure out what team would be number one. That was about five years ago.

Kinda like the Holy of Holies, no one is allowed before this statistical altar of programming. Because the variables are secret, it's difficult to ascertain how much the doc's subjectivity affects the outcome. As with FICO numbers, the programmer's bias, presents a deeply flawed outcome.

Meanwhile, outsiders who meddle don't sit well in college football. Money, millions of dollars of it, is on the line. Since almost everything in this life is economically based, and thus flawed, our intelligence has once again taken an assault. Number 1 USC plays number 4 Michigan in a non-championship game, while number 2 LSU plays in the Sugar Bowl against number 3 Oklahoma for the championship. Why? Because Hawaii beat Boise State (yeah) yesterday. Why? Because USC was beaten by Hawaii. Must've been all that plumeria.

By that logic, my alma mater, Texas Christian, should be moved up in the polls. They beat Hawaii after all. Speaking of money, because TCU lost one game in the middle of the season, they also lost the ability to earn their program millions. Instead, their worth became only $750,000. in a matter of 60 minutes official play. Welcome to today's college athletics.

Time may pass before this outrage becomes truly addressed. Kudos to USC's Pete Carroll for his gracious acceptance of The Rose Bowl's invitation. His example to his kids is what is really important. As my dad, who was an athletic coach used to say, "I'm a teacher first, a coach second." So is Coach Carroll.

The Russian's Demand For Putin's Ways Brings Back Memories

I've mentioned I was married to a Czech for a short time. Actually, Joe would take offense at my calling him a Czech. He was a Slovak, and don't you forget it. From him I learned about everyday life in the orbiting soviet solar system, most of it shocking and revealing. His father, an upper tier soviet official (bureaucrat), an ex freedom fighter against the Nazis (who secretly loved Hitler), was picked up daily by a chauffeur and delivered to his dreary office in a four-hundred year old building, then returned to his home in the evening. The family lived quite well and became the poster children for why Communism works. Wow. Joe came from the upper class in a classless society.

Beneath the percs, cars, the nice homes, lay another level of life in a Communist country. For instance, that one couldn't do what one really wanted. I couldn't figure how the system could work for very long. After all, I told myself, no one could watch you 24 hours a day. Could they?

They could and did. Children were instructed by the schools (they start at age two) to snitch on anyone who dared to speak against the state or the party--including one's parents or siblings. Bet that made for intimate times together.

Neighbors watched too. The all too human trait of coveting your neighbor's belongings fed people's willingness to tell when things were suspicious. Or if someone slipped, said something awful about the state. After all, the reward for squealing was very often the same apartment in which the culprits lived. No family was spared from this intrusion. The system was fed by greed and fear.

Joe and I had enormous cultural differences over which we never recovered. Since my family came to America in the 1600s (my grandfather was born in Philadelphia in 1670), he considered us to be like the royalty of England. He failed to understand the reasons for a new America. He refused to acknowledge the work involved in making a nation like America. His final line to me was, "Of course you have everything you need. Your great, rich American family has given it to you."

That's the problem with America haters. They don't get it. They don't realize that the work my ancestors put into this country was based on freedom and industry. And great sacrifice. The only thing given was a plot of land in the New World. That walk through the Cumberland Gap in 1803 was not a holiday, nor was the battle for independence from the greatest country on earth at the time.

What rankled Joe the most? The fact that he had to look for a job! That the system, like that in Europe, didn't give people things.

What's that to do with Putin? Well, if such a reaction from a man like Joe, who had been out of his communist country for nearly twenty years still remained, how can the people who still live there deal with the facts of life? Freedom takes work and a deep belief that one is the head of his own destiny. Russians can't automatically jump into democracy any more than I could jump into a socialist or fascist society. I haven't the sensibility, nor do they.

The oligarchy has ruined Russia (I blame Mr. Clinton for a lot of this), has finally bankrupted the nation, and because there is so little opportunity, the great savior, another Vladimir, says they must clamp down. Most would rather have martial law, than chaos, it seems.

The far left keeps ringing that authoritarian bell. It's a warning to the rest of the world. Communists can't be cleared away like yesterday's trash; they remain viable because they have a willing audience who honestly believe things were better in the old days. At least they didn't have to look for a job in the Soviet Union. The current peace protests, underwritten and supported by socialists and communists, aren't about peace at all, rather they represent another way for the far left to take back power. Power, after all, is what all politics is really about. Getting it and keeping it.

Is Russia's answer more government jobs? Yes, but only enough required for running an efficient society. Joe didn't know any better. He thought all things emanated from the state, from cradle to the grave. No matter how I tried, though, he couldn't understand that freedom and democracy have a high price. Try teaching that to disappointed countries who were promised the gold at the end of the democracy rainbow. No one told them it takes work.

The LA Times Worries About Shocking Chickens To Death

A story that appeared on today's front page concerns a man who is having difficulty with killing chickens at Tysons' plants in Arkansas. Guess he might be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, maybe it's the Stockholm Syndrome, who knows? Anyway, he's feeling great guilt over his actions. For you who care, his killing method was wholesale computer generated electrocution.

Hell. I remember the time my mother took me out to the chicken house, grabbed a hen, stepped on her neck, literally wringing it, then told me to not be surprised when the chicken's body jumped around. Like a chicken with her head cut off.

I was eight. That's how you killed chickens you were having for dinner that night.

Why do people refuse to grow up?

Thanks for the read.

Friday, December 05, 2003

 

More Parting Thoughts...

Jayson Blair, Ex NY Times Cheat, Writes Book

The book, Burning Down My Master's House, My Life at the New York Times is smartly secured until next week's release. Its front cover, a great teaser, is priceless. Imagine how this might go, depending upon what ethos Blair follows.

Blair could feel genuine regret and shame--most journalists should--and is writing about his "hood"winking the sons and daughters of the old gray lady; or is it the gray old lady? Ashamed, he pens a tell all book from the establishment's point of view. Making nice, becoming humble so he can get another job. In other words, play the race card to secure his future, to return to that place he always wanted to be no matter what. Good strategy, especially if you believe in the wisdom of self forgiveness.

Or, he could have been laughing his kiester off all along, writing his simple. stereotypical, socially important fiction. Raines fell for it. Blair had to have known he'd be caught, which tells me he certainly wasn't interested in saving face. He may have used his newsman instincts and flair to make a point. All he had to do was show up. Raines had a protege--a black one.

The guys down at the gentlemen's club go crazy for Howell. What a hero. The Times, as a result of losing their soul, practices what it preached, and preached...and preached...

Maybe Blair resented this attitude. Maybe he thought he'd like to be taken on his own merit, rather than on the coattails of a white editor? Maybe this brilliant kid is a beacon of hope for African Americans who are insulted with the racist attitude shown by the Times who disregard the talented and educated mainstream of black America.

Jayson Blair would be doing the nation a great service if he exposed the exemplar "master" himself--the self-conscious, guilt pushed, white publishing establishment. Can't wait to read it.

Eminem Wants Bush Dead

Careful, white trash, you're going to lose your native son. This imbecile, this hateful little freak's wish-the-president-were-dead lyrics made it to the internet press so that real people can be as distressed as today's parents. Anyway, dumbing the young uns down hasn't seemed to add to the artistic, musical aspect of our culture as some anticipated.

If parents are so blase that they would allow their children to support this person's music, then same parents will someday pay for their lack of guidance and direction. And so will the rest of us.

There's More

Good grief. They've run out of flu vaccine. "They" are currently cooking it. Don't worry; be happy.

The Governator Does What He Said He'd Do

Governor Schwarzenegger earns another gold star for his deftly acted out public relations during the election and inaugural. Lots of independents and disenchanted Dems are watching. The Republican Party in California has the chance to hit electoral paydirt. The Boxer seat will be empty next election. Two women have announced, as has Bill Jones. Their credentials are incredible. More grown ups.

If the gov can maintain, not crumble under pressure from the out of touch, ethic bosses in the Latino Caucus, the party will win big. His leading by example is a great boost to many people like me who still believes in honesty in government, and expects it. Really, that's okay. We can expect, yes, expect honesty in government. Why not? We know corruption is a fact of life. But we still expect the best. Look what low expectations did in the way of Bill and Hillary Clinton's impossible behavior accomplished? They made it cool to lie.

Stee-ryk! Part Zwei.

Eight weeks ago, the grocery workers went out on strike against Vons. Today the grocery checkers still picket, but now they have the Teamsters, AFTRA and SAG to boost them though the loneliness of the line, the worry of their little children running into angry shoppers, their having to use credit cards is they have them to get through the Holiday. Way to go union leadership.

The actress who played the middle child on Little House on the Prairie, now all grown up and the president of one of those Hwood unions, looked a lot like Norma Rae in Prada at the Teamster's pep rally. But, her voice carried well, she got the feel of the character. Her passion for the role was almost believeable. Is absolutely everyone in Hollywood stupid?

Since Gelsons is the market of record thereabout, it's hard to appreciate exactly how much hyprocracy it takes to stand in solidarity with the deli clerks and bagboys from Vons.

Self importance finally implodes. News at 11.

Thanks for the read.


Thursday, December 04, 2003

 

Swearing Off

My doctor informed me my cholesterol is higher than my IQ and I must, simply must take care of it. So, in the interest of stress reduction (raises BP) and the Christmas spirit, I am temporarily swearing off all politics. However, I do have some parting seasonal wisdom.

Go Ahead, Say It! You Know You Hate Me.

Republicans are painfully aware of the results of their Clinton bashing. We're still paying for it today. I admit it; I thought hating him was okay.

Well, hating isn't okay. First of all, hating is not sustainable, either spiritually or physically. There just comes a time when the hate's gone and resignation and acceptance takes over. I think it's called self preservation.

Hate keeps on giving. Even after you've stopped hating, the ones you hated have a tendency to hate you back...and get even.

Hate should not last more than one election cycle. But, here we are in the midst of the greatest onslaught of venom and vitriol we've ever seen. Think of it: we are watching presidential candidates calling our president a liar and stupid, among other things. That's new.

We're seen a bunch of doltish, uneducated, egotistical power players in Hollywood telling us "they're taking back their country." Hmmmm. So who took their country? By the way, next time someone says Bush didn't win the election because he didn't even have the popular vote, remind them that neither did John Kennedy. The difference is the Republicans didn't get all crazy and make a federal case out of it.

We have two U.S. senators engaging in policy debate about the war while in Iraq and Afghanistan.

And federal judgeships are being held up because of hate and revenge.

President Bush has it right. He keeps the rhetoric low, stays off the defensive and stays on message. Moreover, he's willing to rethink and retool if necessary to get going again. His focus remains as do our promises to the world.

I Just Love Culture, Don't You?

Woody Allen said he could never live in a state (California) whose only cultural contribution is the right turn on red. I beginning to think that about America these days.

Ever thought about just leaving the US? Rescue your family from the excesses of today's culture? Live on a boat, or an island, or maybe just a horse farm in Patagonia? Our ancestors did it, took the whole family to a new world. Why not us?

I've looked at fantasy retirements in Costa Rica, Belize, Hawaii, dream about it, figure how I can do it, then slap myself back into reality in time to watch Chris Matthews.

I only hope that the pendulum will begin to sweep away the exhibitionism, the hypersexuality and gross public discourse and leave us with some reasonable talk and actions. The divisions in our country are dangerous, world-changing ones. The sooner we all face it, the better. What we do about it is based somewhere between thoughtful analysis and common sense.

Many people can't bear to admit the gravity of this war. Denial comes from inexperience. The inexperience comes from being born too late. It is now time for this generation to grow up and face our danger with resolve. Many Americans have done so. But too many arrested personalities have decided to fight it, stand on an outdated principle of not being judgmental, or granting others the right to be inappropriate just because they're Americans. Their pit bull hold on this thinking has now become pathologic. It's sick to be in such denial. And extremely dangerous.

Puleeze. Political correctness is killing us. A spade has always been a spade. Tis ever thus.

My Greeting To You And Yours

I wish I were more literate in the ways of computer graphics--I'd have a pretty greeting for you.

Meanwhile, I wish all of you the best and most meaningful Christmas and Hanukkah seasons, and whatever else you might celebrate of which I'm ignorant.

And...thanks for the read. See ya next year (unless something awful or wonderful happens)

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