Sunday, December 14, 2003
I'd Give Anything To Be a Fly About Now...
You're a fly. Okay, a cricket, if you must. I know; they're cuter.
FADE IN.
INT. U.S. ARMED FORCES INTERROGATION FACILITY - SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD - DAY
Four human feet , one pair belongs to SADDAM HUSSEIN (dressed in a remarkable Nick Nolte costume)--the other's--MEAN SOB, square jawed, barrel chested, quick as a gnat, the meanest SOB in armed forces intelligence.
SADDAM
My people need me.
(beat)
Say, do you happen to have any more of that...
MEAN SOB
Surrre, Saaadamn. Got lots.
SOB turns to the window, points at his client.
MEAN SOB
Nurse.
Saddam, defiant, throws a look at the entering nurse, who carries a hypodermic.
SADDAM
Yes, yes. I must let my people know that i would go to the ends of the earth for them...that's it. I was digging to the other side of the earth. All praise be to Allah.
Saddam rolls up his sleeve. Nurse shakes her head, beckons him to stand and remove his trousers.
Saddam winces, but now becomes calm, knowing the truth sets a person free.
Saddam rises, fixes his pants, sits and noticably reels from the drug. Mean SOB leans out the door, leans for a stool, puts it under Saddam feet.
Dreamily, Saddam lies further back, arms open as if to dance.
MEAN SOB
Now, as you were saying. The WMDs are in Syria? No?
SADDAM
WMDs, how I adored having them at the ready. I mean, yes, ready to use.
MEAN SOB
They're not 45 minutes away, now, are they, Saaaadamn?
SOB picks up a pencil, places it between Saddam's eyes.
SADDAM
You know, I really love things that are nice, soft. You know...the feeling of silk against my skin.
MEAN SOB
OUTSIDE THE ROOM - SAME TIME
DIXIE, a delicious blonde with rosebud lips and hips to match feels under her hair. She pulls the mike closer to her mouth.
DIXIE
Mean, Mean! Can I come in?
Mean SOB knows Dixie's legendary intuition was about to give the USA another big payoff.
MEAN SOB
Sure, Sweetheart. Saddamn, here's plumb tickled at the thought of silk against his skin.
SADDAM
Oh, yes. Yes. Your name is Dixie? Take me away from all this, my sweet Dixie-lonia...
SAME
Dixie stands immediately behind Saddam, pulls her scarf out to tickle Saddams throat, his hands, his forehead...
DIXIE
Oh, my big strong soldier, Saddam.
Suddenly Saddam grabs the scarf, pulls it from Dixie. Dixie laughs aloud to further humiliate Saddam.
MEAN SOB
Where?
Saddam draws a map.
MEAN SOB
Give me a break.
SOB raises his huge arm and ready fist, strikes the table so loudly and hard Saddam's elbows jump up.
MEAN SOB
Saddam, buddy, I think you're gonna be walkin toward that big palace in the sky. Yup. You'll talk.
Saddam buries his pathetic head, moves his eyes quickly. Looks like a cornered rat.
FADE OUT.
Thanks for the read.
FADE IN.
INT. U.S. ARMED FORCES INTERROGATION FACILITY - SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD - DAY
Four human feet , one pair belongs to SADDAM HUSSEIN (dressed in a remarkable Nick Nolte costume)--the other's--MEAN SOB, square jawed, barrel chested, quick as a gnat, the meanest SOB in armed forces intelligence.
SADDAM
My people need me.
(beat)
Say, do you happen to have any more of that...
MEAN SOB
Surrre, Saaadamn. Got lots.
SOB turns to the window, points at his client.
MEAN SOB
Nurse.
Saddam, defiant, throws a look at the entering nurse, who carries a hypodermic.
SADDAM
Yes, yes. I must let my people know that i would go to the ends of the earth for them...that's it. I was digging to the other side of the earth. All praise be to Allah.
Saddam rolls up his sleeve. Nurse shakes her head, beckons him to stand and remove his trousers.
Saddam winces, but now becomes calm, knowing the truth sets a person free.
Saddam rises, fixes his pants, sits and noticably reels from the drug. Mean SOB leans out the door, leans for a stool, puts it under Saddam feet.
Dreamily, Saddam lies further back, arms open as if to dance.
MEAN SOB
Now, as you were saying. The WMDs are in Syria? No?
SADDAM
WMDs, how I adored having them at the ready. I mean, yes, ready to use.
MEAN SOB
They're not 45 minutes away, now, are they, Saaaadamn?
SOB picks up a pencil, places it between Saddam's eyes.
SADDAM
You know, I really love things that are nice, soft. You know...the feeling of silk against my skin.
MEAN SOB
OUTSIDE THE ROOM - SAME TIME
DIXIE, a delicious blonde with rosebud lips and hips to match feels under her hair. She pulls the mike closer to her mouth.
DIXIE
Mean, Mean! Can I come in?
Mean SOB knows Dixie's legendary intuition was about to give the USA another big payoff.
MEAN SOB
Sure, Sweetheart. Saddamn, here's plumb tickled at the thought of silk against his skin.
SADDAM
Oh, yes. Yes. Your name is Dixie? Take me away from all this, my sweet Dixie-lonia...
SAME
Dixie stands immediately behind Saddam, pulls her scarf out to tickle Saddams throat, his hands, his forehead...
DIXIE
Oh, my big strong soldier, Saddam.
Suddenly Saddam grabs the scarf, pulls it from Dixie. Dixie laughs aloud to further humiliate Saddam.
MEAN SOB
Where?
Saddam draws a map.
MEAN SOB
Give me a break.
SOB raises his huge arm and ready fist, strikes the table so loudly and hard Saddam's elbows jump up.
MEAN SOB
Saddam, buddy, I think you're gonna be walkin toward that big palace in the sky. Yup. You'll talk.
Saddam buries his pathetic head, moves his eyes quickly. Looks like a cornered rat.
FADE OUT.
Thanks for the read.
